Again…back to this quick photo shoot of my journals…yeahrightsure…quick! <smile>
So I pulled out all the completed…”written-in” journals…the top one is my current journal.
But of course…there was no way I would be able to refrain from just a peek inside for a minute. And these were ONLY from the past decade (my older ones are in boxes).
So much of this journal pictured above helped me get through a very challenging time in my life–the end of my marriage. I’m talking about saving my very self from his verbal abuse that would eat me alive if I’d have stayed. This was the year I endured and planned to get away. Written on the top of the page is a wonderful quote I had found by an incredibly gifted neurosurgeon, Dr. Ben Carson, who also knew a childhood of disadvantage and a single parent household.
A victim walking through sand looks down and sees dirt; a victor sees the ingredients for building a castle.
This is a list of things that I could enjoy that would not cost me a cent. I knew I was walking a way from a six-figure household income, but I knew, despite the sacrifice, if I could view what I was gaining, and not what I was losing, I could build that castle.
Yet, what I was facing, shown in this December 2001 entry, was daunting…especially not having my mother, my closest friend, to walk through this with me as her Alzheimer’s could no longer be ignored.
And yet, when I was overwhelmed or discouraged…God provided a personal gift, this one in a fortune cookie, that would change my perspective and I’d save it in my journal.
And God brought others in my life who could help me with my codependency and issues that clouded my eyes to the abuse and allow it to happen. One dear friend was Debbie, living in California, who introduced me to some of the work by Melody Beattie, Lundy Bancroft, Dr. Irene, and Patricia Evans. And I had saved treasures in my journal that I uncovered while doing this work.
And finding contentment and peace as a single person for almost 9 years, the Lord surprised me with the love of my life, my best friend forever. But God, in His wisdom, knew I would never be ready for such a gift, until I allowed Him to do the healing and work in me, by my surrender to the process. And as I sprinted through these journals remembering…these records of God’s faithfulness to me…I was humbled and wondered how could I have ever question His goodness ever again.